Faith to do vs. Faith to be patient

This is going off of my last post on the faith not to worry. I've been thinking a lot about the role faith plays in life, especially at the stage I'm in.

In my mission, I had to have the faith to do. Going up and talking to someone on the street was exercising my faith. Challenging someone to be baptized exercised my faith. Basically, doing what I was expected to do as a missionary was exercising faith. Each time I obeyed, I was strengthening my faith and my power to do more.

I'm noticing that in daily post-mission life, faith is a bit different. There are many unknowns. Many decisions. Many things that I have to wait and see and have the faith that everything will turn out alright as long as I am being obedient. This is the faith to be patient. I think the faith not to worry is included in this term. Or maybe a better term would be the faith to trust. Being patient and not worrying both are demonstrations of trusting in the Lord. We have to trust in his timing. Trust that he knows what's best for us and cares for us. Trust that everything will go turn out for our good.

I believe that when we sincerely feel this type of faith, this calm reassuring faith, we are true believers. It is one thing to say you believe in Christ. It is another thing to let this belief become a part of you to the point where you trust in Him more than in yourself. And you feel great peace about it.

Love this clip!

The Faith not to Worry

I've been thinking a lot lately about the relationship between worrying and faith. I've been kind of worried during the past two weeks. Sometimes I would feel worried without even having anything specific to worry about--I was just stressed constantly. I haven't gotten like that since 8th grade and a few times in high school. Somehow, it seems like my capacity to deal with school is a bit diminished since coming home from my mission. During summer term it was fine because the load is less, but fall semester has been intense. I've been feeling a ton of pressure to get married (the theme is rather omnipresent here at BYU), and that has been worrying me as well.

And I've come to a conclusion: if I'm worrying, I'm neglecting my faith in Jesus Christ. Think about it, if I'm worried about something, that means that I'm taking things too much into my own hands. I think that only I am responsible for the outcomes in my life, and doubting my own ability, instead of sharing the burden with Christ and having faith in his power to magnify my abilities. If I have faith in Christ, then I have the peace to know that everything will work out. Even if there are troubles and problems, it will all end up ok. I don't need to worry about it. With faith, I can calmly face life. I am also more productive, because instead of wasting time worrying, I am calmly and steadily making progress. I am more content. Knowing this principle is true doesn't necessarily make it easy to live. I often forget about it and have to remind myself to have faith and not worry.

I think this principle is demonstrated by the woman in the story that Elder D. Todd Christofferson told in his talk "The Power of Covenants." This woman lost her house and all her belongings in a massive earthquake. Her family, however, was ok. A church leader inquired as to her situation and remarked that she was still smiling in spite of her loss. She replied, "Yes. I have prayed and I am at peace." How simple and profound! There were a million things she could be worried about at that moment. But she prayed and she felt peace. She had faith, and thus she did not worry. She knew God would take care of her.

My Quest to Define Masculinity and Femininity

For a while now, I've been trying to work this one out. I now have some ideas.

When I was younger, I considered myself a tom boy. I played in the mud, had spitting wars with my brothers, played with toy dinosaurs and cars and legos more than I did with dolls. I was ashamed at age 8 to want to play with Barbies, so I did it incognito at my neighbor's house, then slinked home, knowing my brothers would tease me if they ever found out. SO, I didn't even know how to put my hair into a pony tail until 5th grade. I'd go shopping with my mom and sisters, and have no idea what was "cute" or not. I remember praying for God to make me a boy.

Thus, even after I grew out of that, I still had warped ideas about what it meant to be feminine. To me, femininity meant pink and frills and shopping and make-up and being prissy. Everything I wasn't. So even though I decided that I liked being a girl, I thought I must not be very "feminine" because I wasn't "girly." I didn't know then, but those words mean two very different things.

Not considering myself feminine gave me a complex at times during college and during my mission, when I had girly friends or companions. I had a companion that wore frills and curled her hair, and was the epitome of both girly and feminine. I wondered if I was looked at as "one of the guys" by the elders, or as a lady. I asked a trusted friend, and he told me I was "very feminine." That made me feel validated, but also confused. And thus began my journey to define what it actually means to be feminine.

Dr. Laura has helped me to define something that I already knew intuitively. Although I do not enjoy her radio show very much, I have quite enjoyed the books of hers that I've read: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Woman Power, and now The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriages. Don't let the titles turn you off--they are filled with truth and wisdom.

The thing is, men and women are different, and they should be. In a quest to find "equality," society has been misdirected to think this means "sameness." To be equal does not mean to be the same. However, the messages we are bombarded with daily try to make men and women as same as possible. As a result, our men are becoming more womanly, and our women are becoming more manly. We are losing our unique, complimentary characteristics.

Now in defining masculinity and femininity, I have realized something. The characteristics that define each of them are not mutually exclusive. Their are women who naturally have traits that would be on the masculine side, and vice versa. This is normal. The point is not that women do not have traits on the masculine side, it means that they aren't "defined" by them. Their defining characteristics are others, although they may possess some of the prominent characteristics of the other gender.

On her website, Dr. Laura conducted a poll, asking the men what they appreciated most about women, and asking the women what they appreciated most about men. I think the answers hold keys to defining what femininity and masculinity really are. Here are the poll answers:

Question: What do you, as a man, most admire about women in general?
1. Social skills, nurturing nature, compassion, sensitivity, listening skills, focus on relationships and bonding (friends, family, community)
2. Physical softness, sexy, curvy, beautiful, and graceful bodies
3. They will sacrifice for family, the power of creation of new life, being mothers
4. Better at details (multitasking)
5. They take the rough, hard edges off this world, they bring feelings and emotions and a sense of intimacy to us logical guys
6. They can create a home out of any environment, adding aesthetics (color, grace, beauty) to life, they make a house into a sanctuary... a home, homemaking
7. The positive effect a good woman can have on her husband and family
8. In femininity there is gentle power over people

One of her male listeners made this comment, "A real woman is someone who has no shame in being a wife and a mother, and puts her career on hold until the kids are grown. A real woman is available emotionally, spiritually, and physically for her man. She is selfless, and in doing so, loves herself because she has so much to offer." That last line made me think.

Question: What do you, as a woman, most admire about men in general?
1. Hardiness, physical strength, masculinity, mental toughness, protective, courage, self-confident, persevering, emotional strength when facing fear
2. Ability to see the whole picture objectively, think logically, get things done, practicality
3. Honest, straight to the point, backbone, strength of character and opinion, uncomplicated
4. They get over things fast, can be friends with other men who have hurt their feelings (not petty, catty, or gossipy), bond easily, don't make everything a crisis, up front with anger, don't over-analyze everything
5. Provider for family, responsible, driven to fix and help, leadership and devotion
6. Chivalry, gentlemanly behavior, willingness to slay dragons every day, they will sacrifice everything to make their woman happy
7. They are put together nicely and their passion in sex, they are comfortable with their bodies
8. Their simplicity

Another comment from one of her female listeners says the following, " Feminists abandoned all the virtues of womanhood (modesty, tact, subtlety, civility) and adopted all the vices of men (promiscuity, vulgarity, aggressiveness). Perhaps this would be less appalling if the feminists adopted at least some of the male virtues (logical thought, adherence to principles, stoicism, reticence), but they have not. Paradoxically, feminism today is about hating men, but at the same time encouraging detestable behavior in mean: how, exactly, has abortion on demand improved male/female relationships?"


So I read this chapter of Dr. Laura's book with a grain of salt, comparing it with what I believe, still attempting to define what true masculinity is and true femininity is. I still need help. But here's what I got so far (keeping in mind that each set is not mutually exclusive, but are simply the defining traits):

Masculinity is: strength, loyalty, courage, responsible for family, provider and protector, dedicated, problem-solver, logical thinker, resistant (puts up with stuff/copes well), simple (not as in stupid--as in "not-complicated")

Masculinity is not: violence, crudeness, vulgarity, dominating, excessive competing, meanness, gambling/pornography/other

vices, etc. Masculinity is not created by not wearing certain colors or watching certain movies.

Femininity is: nurturing, loving, modesty, beauty/grace, connecting people, bringing positive emotion, inner strength, possessing great influence and power for good over others, selflessness

Femininity is not: being petty, catty, gossipy, being a doormat nor a power-seeking monster, busybody-ness, being a man-eater, not needing men, getting an abortion nor having 20 kids, giving free sex, etc. Femininity is not created by but may be accompanied by enjoying shopping, pedicures, certain clothing, etc.

I believe that feminine women can be found both in the home and in the work place. But I believe that a woman's source of true satisfaction comes from the work she does within her home and family. I believe that masculinity and femininity are attracted to each other and are complimented by each other. We are made different so that we can balance each other. Balance is not to be achieved by each gender coming toward the middle. Let us embrace what is naturally ours, and rejoice in the differences of the opposite gender.



What do you think? How did I do on my definition? What else should be included?

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good...

Two and a half weeks ago, I returned to BYU. Nearly all of my friends had graduated and/or married or have yet to return from their missions, so I've had to start fresh in the friend department. And I've been amazed at the quality of people that I've found here.

I've met people that inspire me. People that think wider and bigger and deeper than I do. People that are "movers and shakers." People that question the status quo and want to do things better. People with ingenuity and creativity. And that makes me want to follow suit. Not to copy them, but apply those principles to the things that I am interested in. Hearing them speak gets my creative juices flowing, and all of a sudden, I'm not content to be mediocre anymore. I want to make a difference, just like I started feeling when I was a small child.

It reminds me of a certain phrase from a well-known poem. It says:
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you. ...
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

The entire poem is quite wonderful, and I would highly recommend it (it is by Marianne Williamson even thought it is often erroneously attributed to Nelson Mandela). I chose these specific lines, because they go against what we often think/feel.

We never feel intimidated by mediocre people. Sometimes, however, we feel intimidated by brilliant and accomplished people. This would make some people fear leaving the comfortable box of mediocrity, because they do not want to make others feel uncomfortable around them. This poem, however, states the opposite. It claims that we all have the capacity and, indeed, the right to be wonderful and amazing; and by achieving one's potential, one frees the others from their bounds, and enables them to fulfill their own destiny of greatness. It's like we see that it is possible, because someone (one whom we may term a "hero") had the courage to break through.

And therefore, we should not shrink back in cowardess and do merely what is expected of us. We should raise our minds and our visions and our hearts toward the good of all, and make our footprint on the world or on some person's heart (for all of our destinies are different). But be it what it may, we would all do well to examine ourselves, and see what our contribution currently is, and what it can be. And start by surrounding yourself with good people that inspire you--liberate you--to become that.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and of a sound mind." 2 Tim 1:7

Getting the Full Flavor Experience from your Food

So, I was talking to a friend the other day, and she told me that there's this expensive restaurant (in LA?) where you eat in the dark. It's all finger foods so you don't have to try to use utensils in the dark. And you can't talk. And it's WAY expensive. ...why? You may ask. Because the food tastes amazing. Most especially so because it's in the dark. The thing is that when you close down one sense, the others become more acute. Thus, by shutting down sight (you can't even see your hand in front of your face there) and minimizing hearing, your sense of taste is magnified. (I think that's why people close their eyes when they kiss) Plus, there's nothing to distract you, so you concentrate on tasting your food, instead of the conversation or a zillion thoughts in your head.

And I realized that I hardly ever think about tasting my food. Really enjoying it. If I'm like eating breakfast alone, I'm usually reading at the same time. Lunch is on the run--not thinking about tasting my food, thinking about inhaling it so that I can do something else. Dinner is with the family--thinking about the conversation. So I never concentrate on tasting.

My friend also pointed out that when you are focused on something else while eating, your brain never receives the "I'm full" message. Which is why you can eat so many ______ while watching t.v. or doing your homework. You never feel full because you were never telling your brain that you were eating in the first place. So in addition to being a full flavor experience, tasting your food is also more healthy. Cool, huh?

Born In the Covenant Syndrome (B.I.C.S.)

Toward the end of my mission, I came up with this theory that most kids who grow up in the church are in a similar state of sickness that I dubbed BICS.

It's like this: Although you may be showing forth the correct "works," you still have not developed "faith". Faith, for these purposes, is defined as a confidence in Jesus Christ that leads a person to obey him. People with BICS aren't obeying out of confidence/trust/love for Jesus Christ. They're obeying for a variety of other reasons...parental pressure, tradition, strict conscience, etc. But they never stop to question themselves as to if they really have faith. So when they find themselves in new circumstances (bad group of friends, leave for college, death in the family, etc.), they can't sit on the fence anymore, and either choose to draw closer to Christ or they drift away. Without opposition, they could potentially remain a luke-warm Mormon for their whole lives.

The reality is, I think very few teenagers have developed real faith. At least, I know I didn't. I remember going to EFY as a 15 year old, and my counselor had us write down our feelings about Jesus Christ. I was dumb-founded. Feelings? I didn't have any feelings toward him. He was an abstract figure that I knew was very important. If she had asked what I knew about Jesus Christ, I could write a whole essay. But feelings...no. The truth was, I liked being a member of the Church. I was "strong." I kept the standards. I liked learning about things like the Second Coming, emergency preparedness, patriarchal blessings, and so-called deep doctrine. I focused on the outermost branches instead of the actual roots of the gospel. And I actually didn't get to the roots until my mission. If I hadn't gone, I don't know if I would have ever gotten to them. I thought the basics were boring. When I got to the MTC I had a major reality check and had to start at the beginning, with faith in Jesus Christ. Nothing means anything without it. You can't just teach the standards and desired behaviors without the WHY. Jesus is why. It all begins with him and the Plan of Salvation.

I talked with an Elder about this, and he had his own little theory. He said that because we've been going to Sunday School for years and have been taught so much, we have a huge knowledge level. Our conscience grows according to our knowledge level. (The more you know you're supposed to do and not supposed to do, the more guilty you feel, the more you obey out of fear of guilt). But our faith level is very small, until trials and other things cause us to develop it.

And that just made sense to me. That's what I went through. Now I'm in the process of getting my faith level up to my knowledge level. And it's one principle at a time. Gain a testimony of fasting (I "know" it works, but do I actually have faith that my fasting will work?), of prayer, of repentance and the atonement, etc. etc. etc. Now I'm going brick by brick and gaining faith in the individual parts of the gospel, through personal experience. It's not just about knowing that the Church is true as a whole and then doing what I'm supposed to without further thought. It's about personal experiences with the Spirit that take your faith to the next level. And since there is no end to knowledge in the gospel, this process is eternal.