The Importance of Remaining Vulnerable

Several weeks ago in sacrament meeting, the speaker said, "You need to choose to remain vulnerable. Don't let trials harden you." I don't even remember the context in which it was spoken, but those words have stayed with me, and I've pondered them ever since. In my pondering I have found that the decision to remain vulnerable is essential to successful living.

There is a time in between making a decision and knowing its outcome in which you feel unsafe and vulnerable. You put yourself out there, you took a risk, and you don't know what will come of it. Will it be exhilarating success? Will you suffer a crushing defeat? You don't know. And in the meantime, you feel uncomfortably exposed.

These situations present themselves all the time--learning a new skill, sharing your feelings about the gospel to someone, making a controversial point in class, asking someone out on a date, telling someone you like them, etc. The risk taken can vary from small to momentous. In addition to risks, I believe that any time you fully invest yourself in something you are making yourself somewhat vulnerable. It is safe to be mediocre; full investment in anything can be emotionally and/or physically unsafe. And I believe that taking such risks and making such investments are what make a life lived.

After investing yourself in something and experiencing failure, your wounded heart might encourage you to curl up in a ball and not expose yourself to defeat ever again. This is where "choosing to remain vulnerable" comes in. Remind yourself of what you want to achieve. You have to choose to take the chance of failure, for this is the only way to take the chance of success. Inaction guarantees zero success.

One of my favorite country singers, Garth Brooks, wrote a song about this. He said, "Life is not tried, it is merely survived if you're standing outside the fire." Of course it's safer to stand outside the fire, but to what end? Your dreams, your hopes, your goals and aspirations all require you to take the chance of getting burned. That is the only way to achieve what you want in life.

So if you feel that uncomfortable twinge of vulnerability, remember this and take heart: you are choosing to live the life you want to live.

The Need to Create

I really enjoyed this talk when it was given, and I really enjoyed this video that was created from it. Hope you enjoy it, too!

The Cost of Considering Opportunity Cost: An Insight into BYU Dating

Dictionary.com describes opportunity cost as, "The cost of an alternative that must be forgone in order to pursue a certain action. Put another way, the benefits you could have received by taking an alternative action."

Have you ever thought of this in terms of dating? I have, and I've talked with several friends who have, too. It usually goes like this: you like someone, have been going on dates, and are considering entering a relationship with this person, but you're not sure yet. And then you think about the opportunity cost of doing so. If you steady date this person, then that means that you can't date other people. Is it worth it? Do you like this person enough to dedicate time and energy to him (we'll just say "him" since I think him/her is atrocious and disruptive), such that your efforts are focused on him, and you stop "looking around" for a potential match? Then, the inevitable big question: WHAT if there's someone BETTER? oooh, that one makes you stop and think. "I'm pretty awesome," you think to yourself, "I know I deserve someone awesome. Is this person as good as I can get? Or is there someone better?" It sounds cocky and self-centered, but I daresay that this same thought process has entered more heads than you may think. And thus I consider the cost of considering opportunity cost.

What is the result of this thinking? I think the immediate result is perilous delay within the jaws of indecision. These things are tender and ephemeral--if you don't grab an opportunity, it may pass you by, never to return again. One possible result is that you end up single, always waiting (or searching) for greener pastures. The other result is that you may go into a relationship half-heartedly, which the other person does not deserve. Of course I acknowledge the possibility that this may actually work out for some people, and they really do end up with super awesome counterparts, but I submit that their mindset would have to be changed slightly before this happens.

One of my good friends described the problem to me in this way: when we are considering opportunity cost, we are looking at what the other person brings with them to the relationship--one person may bring more than another, and thereby be a "better" option. The thing is, in the LDS faith we believe in eternal marriage and eternal progression--thus, whatever talent (or disposition, in some cases) someone hasn't acquired in 20 years may well be acquired over the course of an eternity. So what does matter? What you build together. Relationships are about what you can build together. That is what matter most. A person may look good on paper, with their long list of accomplishments and such, but if their personality doesn't mesh with yours in a way that you can improve together and accomplish together, what does it amount to? So if you have been going on dates with someone, you are building something. You can look at that and evaluate it and see if it has the potential to continue progressing and become something really good. What you can't do is take what you've built with one person and compare it to someone that you haven't built anything with (i.e. the opportunity cost, the people you would be dating or might be meeting if you weren't with this person). If you haven't built anything with that other person, how can you even evaluate if it would be better than what you have? (summarized from a conversation, 2009)

So what do you do? You focus on truth--things as they really are. Instead of conjecturing about how good a relationship might be with some dream girl you've never met (but is amazing and surely you are deserving) or some boy you admire from afar, bring your mind back to what is concrete and real. After all, we all know what you make of you and me when you assume things... Fantasy never yields productive results. So let's focus on what you do have and what you do know: what you have (are building) with the person you are dating and considering a relationship with. Is it good? Is it growing? Does it have potential? How does it make you feel? If the answers are positive, go for it. Don't wonder about what would happen with other people if you weren't dating this person. Those other people don't got nothin'--you haven't built anything with them yet! So step out of the jaws of indecision; you can make a decision one way or the other with no feelings of regret. Whatever you decide, be committed to it.




So that's what I'm thinking. What do you think? Does looking at relationships in terms of "building" something help to see the situation clearly?