The book "The Five Love Languages" is widely accepted. I read the speedy version of the book, took an online quiz, and had several discussions on the matter with friends. I discovered through the quiz that my primary love language is service, following by physical touch, then quality time. Words of affirmation mattered a little, and gifts didn't even register. I accepted this as truth and analyzed my relationships through this lens.
Then today I was reflecting on what makes me feel loved. When a person walks (or runs) a little slower than he would normally in order to stay by my side. When someone does a favor for me. When someone remembers and asks about something that's going on in my life. When someone makes something for me for my birthday. When someone gives up doing another activity in order to spend time with me. When someone calls me out of the blue just to see how I'm doing, etc. These things could fall under the categories of service, quality time, and gifts, but the common element between them is sacrifice. That is what makes me feel loved. When I am important enough for someone to sacrifice for, then I feel safe, secure, and loved.
And I have noticed that sacrifice is how I show love as well. When my sister was sad and wanted me to make a treat, I'd do it, even though I had piles of homework. When she was devastated over the loss of a flip flop, I went to the mall and bought her new ones with my own money. When a friend needs a ride to the airport and calls me last minute, I drop what I'm doing and go. When it's someone's birthday, I love to figure out a thoughtful gift to give. When someone needs to talk, or needs a back rub, or needs some hot soup, it makes me feel fulfilled to sacrifice for them and fulfill that need. Sacrifice, to me, means love.
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