Self-expectations

I've been realizing lately that I have a lot of expectations for myself, and that I often don't live up to my own standard. I expect that I will be a person of integrity, doing what I know is best. But I often don't. I know that it would be best to work on writing my paper, or practicing the piano, or going for a run, but instead I'm checking my e-mail and facebook several times a day. I know that it is best for me to eat healthy food and not to overeat, but I succumb to the temptations of tastier delights. I expect myself to be up to date with my homework, to read my church lessons ahead of time, to have daily meaningful prayer and scripture study, to keep up with world news, to keep in contact with family and old friends, to write my friends on missions, to read books for personal enrichment, to make time for artistic and creative expression, to drink 64 oz of water a day, to stretch, to memorize scriptures, to know everyone in the ward, to volunteer in the TRC, to go to the temple, to notice ways that I can serve people, etc. And often I just don't measure up.

A few days ago I was feeling down about this. I have these expectations (some of which are more important than others, and I realize that), and when I know I should be doing something but I don't, it's basically an act of self-betrayal. Self-betrayal and a loss of self-respect go hand in hand. I think sometimes we get used to this. We sort of accept the fact that we continually do things that betray out values, thus continually losing self-respect.

The cure for this is prioritization of expectations, a plan for action, and then making progress. I have noticed that it doesn't matter what level I am at (I could be at level one when I expect myself to be on level five at something) as long as I am making progress. For example, it doesn't matter that I expect myself to be physically fit as long as I have been exercising and eating healthy today (which gives me confidence in my ability to continue to do so). Even the most minute progress is a source of positivity. Any forward motion does wonders for one's self-image. I may not be perfect, but I'm making steps in the right direction. :) I think the Lord smiles upon our efforts.