So the other day in my Writing Fellows training class we took the Meyers Briggs personality test. One of the things I had to choose between was: a) I usually think on my feet, as I'm talking. b) I usually reflect on what I'm going to say before I say it. I definitely answered "a."
Later on in that class period, the teacher said something about how I hadn't done my dialogical log. I told her that I had, and she said that I'd turned it in but that I still needed to have my conference with her. Without think, I said, "Oh yeah, that's right! You canceled, and we never made another appointment!"
Apparently it sounded like I was finding fault with her, and my whole class reacted. I had no intention of being a twerp; I was saying exactly what came into my mind. I had completely forgotten about needing to have a conference until that moment. I wasn't trying to say something negative about her for canceling our earlier appointment; that was just the sequence of events all coming back to my mind at once.
This instance has been mentioned a few times in class since then as an example of a "conflict." It has caused me to feel uncomfortable, which consequently is making me think that I should think before I speak. My older brother is good at this--he told me that before he speaks, he thinks of every way that the other person could take what he's saying. He wants to make sure that he doesn't say things that are taken in a bad way or a different way than he means. He also told me that he often makes up scenarios in his mind and figures out what he would say and how the other person would interpret what he's saying. I never do that! Typically I start speaking as soon as I think it. Occasionally I'll weigh if I should say a certain thing or if I should phrase it in a certain way...but that's rare.
I wonder how communication would change if everyone thought carefully about what they were saying.
1 comment:
Thinking before you speak can be important. You never know how people are going to take things. Especially people who don't know you well.
You have a gift of truth though. In my experience, that is what first comes out of your mouth: your observation of the truth.
Sometimes, depending on a situation the truth hurts. This can be/is where tact comes in handy. Which is pretty closely related to thinking before you speak.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that I agree with you. Not that you specifically need to think before you speak, but people in general should.
For example: the people in your class should utilize a bit of tact, and not use you as an example of conflict when that wasn't your intent. I'd be uncomfortable in a situation like that too.
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